The Wait The Apathy The Loneliness

Dear Elizabeth,

I am doing whatever I can to keep my self from going back into chronic apathy. It is like, constantly running from an abyss that's indescribably intense with nothingness - yes - an abyss of intense void that is always there at the background trying to suck everything good into it. The only time I feel relief is when I look at the sky and the clouds and the beautiful colours that no one else apart from me and my 14 year old son can see or so it seems. We are amazed at some of the mix of colours we often see - blue, purple, pink, yellow, green, orange, red. Also just being in nature feels like my heart is an electric plug socket and nature is plugging into it when i am outside, it is an indescribably strange feeling. It feels like my old world is collapsing and the fear and apathy is constantly there but at the background and very faint I don't know what to do with it. I feel like I should be doing something meaningful but I don't know what it is and how to start. The feeling of overwhelm is also still there at the background. Knowing that there is no where to escape as multidimensional being makes me so sad and it makes me feel as though I am trapped in an eternal prison and all I want to do is go home and rest. I am not enjoying anything in life right now and I am scared that I won't be on the right train when the spit happens. Everything feels incredibly hard, it's as though life won't let me rest and I don't want to go on but I have children. All I want to do is REST. Life here on earth is horrible and it is throwing me one obstacle after another and I can't take it anymore. I feel like I have no more energy left but I still have to carry on. I am about to lose my beautiful home and moving into a smaller place. My Angels and guides keep encouraging me forward but I breakdown from time to time. All I want is a beautiful, simple life with no money worries so that I can be there for others. I feel as though so many children are waiting for me while I am still sorting my own shit out. I want to start a course called NLP4kids but still tying up lose ends in my own life and with money struggles. 

I want to know why I chose this for myself and how to get out of this and never ever put myself through this again in any lifetime. I can't stop crying inside because I had enough when I started my journey as a child. Enough is enough....I can't take it anymore!!! Please someone HELP ME.... PLEASE!!!!! 

Thank you for giving this opportunity Elizabeth to open my heart but I never have enough time to plug in to your site or the community but will be there on the first Sunday of May (7th) 2023 and see if I get picked.