Waking up during sleep paralysis

I've had sleep paralysis episodes since I was around 12 years old. I'm now 42. It still happens and now I can even sense it coming when I'm still in a dream state. When I was 12, it used to freak me out. I've read a lot about people who are terrified while in that state and feel like there's a dark entity in their room or something like that. In my case, I've never felt threatened in any way. The paralysis itself was the most "freaky" thing. I know that I've been taken all my life. It doesn't freak me out anymore. Now when it happens, I know that I've been "upstairs".

I've seen "things" float in front of my eyes as I wake up since around the same time the sleep paralysis started. Sometimes, it's something abstract or that looks like vines or plants. I've seen lines appear in front of my eyes. I once saw my ceiling covered with integrated circuits. I've seen geometric forms and complex prisms. I've seen very complex mathematical formulas float in front of my eyes. I've seen symbols that I think were a language I don't consciously know. I've sometimes woken up to find myself in a different place and realized I could also see my room at the same time, as if the two places were superimposed. When it happens, I'm fully awake. I'm not dreaming.

I've had dreams about aliens, spaceships and strange thing happening in the sky since about the same time too. They are my favorite dreams, to be honest. They've always been. I've never been afraid of them, on the contrary I always find them super exciting and wish I could have these kinds of dreams more often. Like every single night! lol

In my case, I know that all these phenomena are related to my life long contacts with ETs. I've started remembering things a few years ago. I guess I would have freaked out like freaking hell if I'd realized this sooner. Now I'm very happy about it and I'd like to remember more and remember going upstairs and meeting them. I consider them family and I know they're taking real good care of me. I love them with all my being.

@rosspeterson I too can relate to this phenomenon of barely waking and hearing someone saying my name abruptly when no one was around. I couldn’t explain it short of it being something paranormal.

@marjoleine-web Thank you for sharing your story😊

@marjoleine-web Thank you for sharing your story😊

I wonder about what exactly it is as well.  I would try so hard to open my eyes and wake up  I would try to pry my eyes open with my astral hands..ha  It's a messed up feeling to be awake but can't get up.  I would hear things sometimes too so thought somebody was there but couldnt' see that's a fearful feeling. You think it is abduction? Like someone actually paralyzes you? Or I thought maybe I was just out of my body so couldnt' move my body but couldn't fully get back into it either, like stuck outside of it. Weird.  

@rainyangel I can't speculate about your experience because it is your experience, but I can share my own understanding of my experience with you and you can see what resonates with you (or not). I'll need to give you some context before getting to sleep paralysis but please bear with me.

In my case, I believe all my sleep paralysis experiences are ET related. I don't like thinking about it in terms of an "abduction". They're not "abducting" me. For me, that word would sound like I'm a victim or that it's happening against my will. Which is not the case. If I'm having that experience, I 100% agreed to it before incarnating. I prefer to say that "they are taking me Upstairs". And even if my memories have been erased for many years, things have been gradually unfolding lately. And I know that if they had unfolded earlier, I could have taken the "fear" tangent.

I've had an experience when I was maybe 15 or 16. A "dream". I was looking outside my window at night and I saw a Grey appear and look at me through the window. I woke up immediately and I was so deeply scared that, and I'm not joking, I wasn't able to look outside a window at night until maybe two years ago. That memory scared the sh*t out of me for like 25 years. I'm not going to tell you all about my awakening process but it started in 2015 when I suddenly channelled a being without realizing it. I was exchanging instant messages with a close friend and we were talking about spirits and past lives and all that when at some point my friend asked "Who are you?". That startled me. I went back to read my latest messages and realized that my way of expressing myself was different. Also, I'm a French speaker and masculine and feminine are everywhere in French language and I realized that I was no longer using the feminine form to talk about myself but rather the masculine form and my friend picked up on that. That was my first telepathic contact. At the time, I didn't think I was having a contact with an ET, I came to understand that in the following years.

Last year, I reached a certain point in my "crusade" to uproot my deepest fears and release them. By that time, I knew very well that I was having ET contacts and I told them that I wanted to address my deep fear of seeing them and that I knew it had to do with that extremely emotionally charged memory of seeing a Grey at night when I was 15. I took months to process it in my mind and I know that I received guidance from them. I reached a point where I felt the release and knew that I wasn't scared anymore. And this is where the sleep paralysis comes into play.

I asked my Upstairs family (that's what they have become to me: family) to let me see them next time they come to take me. I wanted to prove to myself that I turly wasn't scared anymore. And they did let me see just a little bit. I was "dreaming" and then a craft appeared in the sky and came in my direction very fast. I immediately felt ecstatic and super happy. As the craft was approaching, I felt my body freeze and I thought, "Oh! This is it, they're taking me Upstairs! ". Then I became concerned that my boyfriend would hear them and wake up. I could feel his presence behind me (I was sleeping on my side) and I heard him snore deeply and smiled in my mind thinking, "Nah, he's not gonna wake up". Still in "my dream", my eyes were closed and I felt my body being moved so I'd be on my back. Then I thought "I want to see!" so I opened my eyes. I was still paralyzed but I could open my eyes and there was a gentle being there, looking at me straight in the eyes. He had brown skin that made me think of leather, very big round black eyes, a small nose, a small mouth and a small chin. I looked at him and like an idiot I whispered in my mind "Allo" ("hello"). And I was very calm and not afraid at all. I even thought that I could have said something more intelligent (lol)! Then my gaze shifted to the ceiling and I saw the ceiling getting closer until I reached it. And then I woke up, in my bed, on my side with my boyfriend still snoring behind me and I could feel the paralysis slowly fade. I was beyond ecstatic and I was shouting in my mind, "I'm not afraid anymore! I really am not afraid anymore!". And it was awesome.

So, in my case, I associate my sleep paralysis to when my Upstairs family comes to take me onboard, be it in my physical body or my astral body. Sleep paralysis also occurs when you are leaving or reentering your body. So it can be more than one thing depending on the context. It is unknown territory and it can be scary but in my case I came to understand that there is nothing to be afraid of. I may be weird but now when I become aware that I am paralyzed I immediately talk to them "Hey guys! Help me get out of my body! Let me see you!" lol

Lately, my dreams have changed a lot. I'm having more and more dreams that don't feel like a dream at all. Last night, I had a weird dream and at some point, someone (that I couldn't see) hugged me and I could feel their love and their body warmth. My dreams are still filled with screen imaging but when I wake up with such vivid feelings of touch and warmth and love, I know that I was with them and they're letting me know how loved and supported I am.

My only advice to you is to try to approach your own experiences with a different point of view. Think about them as something positive and go forward from that angle. You can ask the beig you sense to guide you and help you understand (if that's really what you want to do). If you are scared, they're not going to do something to scare you even more. So be at peace with it first. It took me years to get there. And right now, some new information is making its way to my consciousness that I know I wouldn't have been ready to receive six months ago. There's a time for everything but we have to do some active work to get there. They'll never force anything on you if you don't want to or if they know you're not ready yet. The goal is to help you awaken, not scare the sh"*t out of you on purpose.

I don't know if this will help you, but I felt like sharing a little bit of my experience was the right thing to do. I hope my English is understandable enough! 😉
Peace be with you!

rainyangel as i was reading your response I got goosebumps which i took as a sign of validation. Immediately became relieved. Many times, I've woke during this state and i noticed above me on the ceiling were what appeared to be animated greys and reptilian faces looking down at me. The face was the only thing visible, but in this case, it was totally transparent. Along the way though I've always been drawn to the topic of Extraterrestrial life. Over the last 10 or so years I've tried to deepen my understanding of the topic. I have been successful with remote viewing light beings but this far nothing related to the other two previously stated. I stumbled upon Elizabeth April along the way. Shes been at the center of my trying to awaken further or become more aware.

@marjoleine-web Hi Lane, nice to meet you. You're English is great.  Thanks for all that you said. Very interesting stuff. I will think about it differently from now on, thanks.  I am learning that a lot of things I have felt are psychic abilities, and connections with guides and what not. It's cool to be here and to hear others talk about things and have EA explain stuff too. I didn't know how psychic I already was neither, until I started learning more about it from EA. If you are born that way, you have nothing to compare it to. I can't wait to see how things open up for me once I start mediating regularly and get healthier. I saw a video recently where EA was talking to the GFL about astral travel and how to do it. If you haven't seen her GFLs, they're really good and helpful. I just bought a couple bundles and have been binge watching them.  I'm thinking about the dreamscape a lot differently now. Lucid dreaming and flying in my dreams and what not.  Navigation and setting an intention. They're more real than I thought. 

I want to actually see someone in my lucid state again and actually try and talk with them for real.   I wanna go on a ship..or remember if I have.  I wonder why you're body has to be paralyzed. So it's like they paralyze you and you wake up in your body and then they help you astral out and take you up? That's what they're doing, putting you in that state so they can lift you out of your body? I suppose they'd have to ask your permission on some level. I wonder why sometimes we wake up in that state, and sometimes we don't?  Have you ever wanted to see where they take you and what they do?

If I ever get there again, I will stop trying to wake up my body and pry my eyes open and just telepathically talk to who might be there. Maybe ask the angels to be around me also. I don't like not having control. I mean who knows if they are always good, especially if I'm feeling so much fear.  I wonder why they wouldn't just send you loving energy that would relax you and cause you to feel ok?  EA has mentioned waking up and not being able to move and seeing reptilians all around her room and fighting them off with her mind and having a dragon come in to help, so even she has been paralyzed in her body as well.  Maybe that'd be a good thing to ask her. I'm not sure if she has ever mentioned what all might be going on when in that state. It could be different things probably. I wish I felt all that love and warmth in my sleep sometime.  I could use that.  

@rosspeterson I came upon EA I think in March. It has been so helpful.  I have watched so many of her videos. I just bought a couple GFL bundles and if you haven't watched any of those, I'd recommend.  Just the first couple videos back in 2020 she did has helped me so much today in 2023.  It's cool to see what was predicted back then coming true today. I saw a UFO on my night vision goggles the other night for the first time. i just got them cuz others have bought them for the same reason. I didn't realize the first two nights, I would see them. I'm sure they are everywhere.  I wanna go up in a ship and get some healing done on me.  It probably already happens.  I haven't been regularly meditating yet, it's kind of new to me, but I can't wait to see what happens when I do because I've hard a lot fo stories from others about what happens. You['re psychic abilities get a lot stronger and you start getting messages from your guides and galactic family or even seeing them and leaving your body and stuff. I know we probably do all the time in our dream states, just aren't consciously aware.  I want to become fully aware.  I know my ears have been ringing a lot the past several months. I guess I'm not alone there either.  

@rainyangel I never thought that I would publicly open about that, because I'm still in the process of integrating the information and facing it without freaking out but here goes nothing.

I told you that my awakening process started in 2015. The first contact I had was with a being I call D. Not long after D came into my conscious awareness, a second one showed up. I call him J. Maybe a year after that, a third energy showed up in my consciousness and I first gave him a nickname because I couldn't feel his name but last year I finally asked him his name and as an answer I got the name Fenris appear very clearly in my mind. I call him Fen for short. Fen is a Mantis and I recently came to understand that he was overseeing my "medical team" but that he's not the one that I mainly work with. D and J are my "main Guardians". I call them Guardians because of the way they appear to me in my mind. You could call them Guides or Teachers, it doesn't matter. I will spare you the history of my many struggles over the past three years about what I will now share with you. It hasn't been easy and I guess you will understand why.

D and J are both dragons. They are Reptilians. D has been very close to me all my life. I unconsciously started to talk with him back in 2008 but I thought I was having conversations with myself at the time. He revealed himself (not the fact that he's a dragon but just his presence) in 2015 so I would gradually understand that we've been having active contact for years. I've had some very intense negative experiences in my life. Experiences that caused me to feel deep rage, hate, anger and all the emotions that come in between. Between 2008 and 2016, D has patiently and lovingly taught me how to process those negative emotions and release them safely and without harm to me or anybody else. He has seen me in every state you can possibly think of. I yelled at him, lashed out at him, told him to f*ck off I don't know how many times, but he never left. He has his own style I'll give him that. Sometimes, after I'd yelled at him and lashed out at him he would just say "You done?" and it's almost like I had an image of him yawning in my mind. That would infuriate me but at the same time it would totally calm me down and make me realize what I was doing. Without his help and guidance, I would probably have lost my mind.

J is my silent one. I can strongly feel his presence in my conscience but we don't really talk. I've always had the same image in my mind about him: a high-ranking officer standing on the bridge of a spaceship stationed somewhere around the Moon. J is very sweet despite his very imposing presence. We don't talk the same way I talk to D, but his energy is constantly around me "wrapping me" with great love. I always felt him like a sort of emotional stabilizer and I know my equilibrium and stability is very important to him. He's very grounded himself.

I'll spare you the details but in 2017, isolated events or thoughts started happening and it intrigued me but I didn't really make a big deal out of it. Until two years ago when all these little things began to come together and made me wonder if I wasn't a reptilian myself (now I'd say reptilian hydrib, thanks to EA). And that thought freak the f*ck out of me. I started to feel anxiety, thinking that if it was true then I was probably evil or "one of the bad guys". I was struggling with that thought. I have to tell you that D loves a good prank and I called him an idiot more than once because of the pranks he would sometimes pull on me. He pulled his biggest prank on me two years ago. What happened was very simple, my cat had a strange reaction (as I was sitting in the living room) and turns out that she found two very small snakes behind a basket on the floor. Now I have to tell you that I live in Quebec and the word in French for these types of snakes is "couleuvre". There are no words for it in English other than "snake" but they are very benign and are probably more afraid of us than we can be of them. They usually NEVER enter houses. Of course, I freaked out. My boyfriend took them out of the house and I cried my eyeballs out. Maybe two weeks after that event, I was home alone and still struggling about that reptilian hydrid thing when I suddenly stopped walking, right in the middle of my kitchen and said to D and J "Did YOU guys put those freaking snakes in my house?!" And within a second, I had that very clear image of D bursting into hysterical laughter and my always so silent J was obviously having a hard time trying not to burst out laughing himself. I was SO MAD! I was so damn f*cking mad! And then D said "This is SO GOOD! Freaking out a Reptilian with reptiles!" It's been two years now. D still thinks it's a very funny story. I still think he's a big idiot and a jerk but at the same time, it kind of put the truth right in front of my eyes. Lol! I love them so much!

I'm still processing all this and some of EA's videos gave me some validations about things that happened to me. You asked me if I ever wanted to see them and remember being onboard. The answer is YES! I beg them to let me remember. But D is very careful with that and I've come to understand why. Yesterday, I had another validation about my DNA through one of EA's video and it freaked me out just a little bit. If D and J revealed too much in one go, it could probably be very harmful to me. Reptilians, as you know it, are almost always associated with evil and negativity. Being human as well, I've been "trained" to look at it the same way. Now I can't ignore my DNA or who my Guardians are. I need to learn to be discerning. I need to understand that yes, a majority of Reptilians are malevolent but some of them are high vibrational loving beings and are actively helping humanity. So I'm starting to remember a little bit more every day but my Guardians are very careful with it. Now I'm at a point where I know that even if I freak out about something, I won't lose my mind, that I'll just need time to process the information and regain my inner balance. So I feel like things are accelerating and I'm becoming more conscious of the process and more calm about it. I'm getting rid of the old fear.

Speaking of fear. You wonder why the beings who visit you don't send loving energy. The thing is: they do. What we need to understand is that fear  is a very low vibrational emotion and the beings who are visiting you are very high vibrational beings. When you feel fear, it's like you wrap yourself into a cocoon and no matter how much they try to comfort you and send you love, your cocoon of fear keeps that high vibrational energy from reaching you. This is why a lot of people having experiences with ETs think that they are cold and emotionless. Try to keep that in mind and try to lower your level of fear when you're having an experience. You will feel the difference. You can ask them or the angels to help you calm down and be open. If you ask, you will receive.

I hope this helps a little.

Peace be with you!

@marjoleine-web Hey Lane, thanks for being so open and vulnable.  That's what these forums are for. You can talk about anything and I'm sure you'll find peopl who totally relate.  Yes I've learned recently I have a few blocks and a dark cloud around me that prevents me from hearing my guides. From feeling anything good really. I put up a wall of protectin a long time ago but that's keepd the good out as well as the bad.  I'm learning how to open up again but in a safe and trusting way.  I'm very empathic and I think I took on too much an didn't know how to focus it and protect myself and got really hurt.  I can't feel much good at all right now. Like Ive been closed off. 

I know I have guides but I don't really feel them.  I had been in a horrible depression for years and i'm trying to heal.  I need a detox cleanse and a lot more meditation and working on letting go and fully trusting, asking for what I need and believing and trusting fully, even if I don't see it or feel it. It is there.  Yes there are reptilians that are very  good, EA is practically besties with one Sasha who is the leader of the reptilian rebel army that goes around fighting the bad ones.  Have you seen them as what EA describes as the reptilians?  Because I know there are Dragons that are guardians to people.  Dragons are totally different than reptilians. They aren't the draco, but dragons, like anciet dragon races. I believe we have them around if we need them or have them as guardians. 

EA had one come in her bedroom to help her as  she was fighting negative reptilians.  I think we are all a little bit of a lot of things and not usually half human, half another race.  You could have origins and lineage from other races, many of us do. We all have some reptilian dna in us as well.  I'm getting my reading in a couple weeks all about my dna. I think it's probably a pretty good mixture.  I feel I've lived lives in many places.  I was told he most lives were in the Saturn realms and that' this is my 48th life on earth. That's cool you have connections with them.  We have many guides and council.  Most of us have an ascension council of 12 that help us with the life path we are on and with ascension.  We can call on so many beings, arch angels, ascended masters, soul star family. It's nice you have that connection.  You can all on others as well. They aren't in charge of you.. ha We are free sovereign beings.  I"m trying to work on soverieignty and coming into my power as a divine being of light. It is my karmic theme in this lifetime.  

@rainyangel You are a very kind soul, Angie.

I haven't seen D and J in their true form yet. The image I see in my mind is, to my understanding, more a symbol and interpretation of the way their energy feels to me rather than their real appearances. I call them Dragons because that's the image I have in my mind, but I know very well that any image we get is also passing through the filters of our own minds. I call them Guardians because I feel them very protective of me. But it doesn't bother me to think that they are not the same "Dragon Guardians" that EA is referring to. I remain very open-minded about all this, I do not tend to fix any idea or image as being the truth. They could look like crocodiles or gigantic lizards for all I care. It's not important to me what they look like, what's important to me is our connection and the way we co-create together. I would very much like to remember meeting them and seeing them in their true form. If it's meant to happen, it'll happen when the time is right.

I'm not fixed on the idea that I am half human and half Reptilian. If it was the case, I'd probably not be able to pass for a human, lol! I know we have DNA from many different races. What I meant by being a reptilian hybrid is difficult to explain, really. I was drawn to this website because EA has a lot of videos about Reptilians, but unfortunately (for me) they are all about the Controllers (the ones currently hijacking the planet). But through her videos, I find a lot of validations in a curious manner. The best way I could describe it is a "reversed validation". I recognize strong Reptilian traits in me but they've never overwhelmed me. Sometimes, I've been scared of myself and my own thoughts. I never thought I'd be grateful for the very controlling and restrictive religious context in which I grew up in but I know that if it wasn't for that, I could have taken a very dark tangent. I don't really wish to talk about the details because it could become disturbing to some readers. D likes to say about the Reptilians "We're not all batsh*t crazy, y'know" but I could have gone down the batsh*t crazy lane more than once and it's what I've been realizing in the past two days. It makes me feel very grateful that I'm becoming so aware of it and I'm not ashamed of it. I totally take responsibility for my own thoughts and actions. I don't believe in rights and wrongs (on a macroscopic point of view), I believe in choices and experiences.

One of the things I'm really trying to find answers about is a strange "ability" that I have and, so far, I've never heard of anything like it. I have a very peculiar relationship with negativity. Negativity doesn't seem to affect me the same way that it affects most people. I process it in a very strange way and when I'm done with it or get bored with it, I release it and it's as if nothing ever happened. Sometimes, I like to listen to very aggressive music because it relaxes me both physically and mentally. Literally. Who does that? I can find true inner peace listening to that sort of music. I always thought that I was a total weirdo/freak because of that but it's my reality. If I'm super angry, I'll listen to music that is angrier than me and it'll help me process it and at some point the process will end, I'll get bored with my anger, release it and just switch back to my usual calm music as if nothing ever happened.

I once read in a book written by a person who is a dual soul and remember working on ships at night as a Grey that in some of the Greys ships, there are some kind of "reptilian guard dogs" posted there and their purpose is to absorb the negativity and help maintain a high vibrational frequency in the ships. In her entire book, she wrote only ONE sentence about it but it hit me hard. It made me wonder if I was not doing something similar myself, in my own way, on this planet. I've been juggling with that idea for the past two years. Not long ago, I had a very vivid dream about a person that I don't know personally but who is a real human currently incarnating on Earth. We were on some kind of battlefield and everybody was avoiding him. I walked to him despite everybody trying to dissuade me and looked at him. There was a black mist swirling around him. He looked at me and said "Talk to me". I told him "You never want to hear what I have to say" to which he answered "I want to hear." I paused and then told him "You can't forgive yourself, but you have to." I then wrapped my arms around him and he hugged me back. Then I started feeling all his emotions: his anger, shame, sadness and pain. In return, I closed my eyes and wrapped him in love and kindness and I told him that everything would be okay. We stayed like that for a while and then I woke up. I was still strongly feeling his emotions and my hands were shaking. I had to go get something to eat to help me calm down. I was physically shaken but I knew deep down that I had helped that person process his black mist (negative emotions). After about half an hour, I was totally fine and the emotions were gone as if nothing ever happened.

Throughout my life, I've had quite a few "battlefield" dreams. I'm never armed, I never hurt anyone. I'm always there to help or defend. I've had some crazy weird dreams but I always feel protected and I'm never afraid. I've been taken out of difficult situations by ET ships more than once. These strange dreams are all consistent with my curious ability to process negativity. A few weeks after the dream I told you about I started to feel annoyed and angry for no logical reason. I was snappy and very impatient. It stayed with me for three days. On the third day, as I was walking to my yoga class (I didn't want to go because I was too annoyed, but a friend encouraged me to go) I was telepathically contacted by a Tall Grey. He told me "What you are feeling is not yours, it's someone else's. We need you to help that person." It changed everything in me in a split second. I stopped wondering where those emotions came from and put some distance between them and me. No matter how disagreeable these emotions are, if I'm feeling them so I can help someone, then I don't mind. I spent my entire yoga class focusing on processing them and filling my heart and mind with love, peace and kindness and at the end of the class, I felt very relaxed and the emotions were gone. I could only hope that whoever I was helping also felt better.

These are only two examples of things that have happened to me lately in regards to my strange ability to process negativity. That's my best clue about having strong reptilian DNA. You could say that I still have this habit of feeding off negativity but in a way that serves light and help others. That's the high vibrational version of this reptilian trait. But again, it's kind of hard to get clear answers when all I can get my hands on are videos about negative Reptilians. Anyway, it's part of my journey so I will keep following my Flow and see where it leads me.

Peace be with you, friend.

@marjoleine-web You are probably one of those people like EA talks of that are on the good side fighting the dark side. The ones who have been there are the best suited for that.   And oh yeah, dark heavy metal type thrashing music soothes a lot of people.  It can be a catharsis totally. And its good you can transmute the negative into the positive. I have been in a lot of dark places myself and totally know the darkness and all the pain that comes with being stuck there.  I've learned enough from it, time to allow the light in.  Y

eah the best thing we can do for someone totally consumed by it, is to send love.  We gotta protect ourselves also from not takingi t on ourselves. I think I did that a lot in my life by associating all the time with poople that were negatvie low vibrationsl people, thinking I could love them better but they just consumed me too.I have a relationship with the darkness as well. 

I have been there deep in it for a long so I think people like us can help a lot when it comes to dark low vibrational people.  I have a caring when it comes to homeless mentally ill addicts and also people who are in prison. Women who are in domestic violence situations as well and animal cruelty sends me over the edge.  But first I gotta get myself back. My light and love within me back.  Can't help anyone if you don't feel it yourself anymore. It consumed me and took me over. 

I'm trying to find my love and light within again because I feel there's a dark cloud between me and the good, and between me and feeling that connection with my guides and angels and Source.  I know they're there, I just don't feel it yet.  And it's a self made cloud of protection from lower thoughts about myself. Fear of getting hurt.  My  number one goal now is letting go and trusting in God/Source.  

Learn how to be empathic and loving without falling into the pain of others. I used to be such a nurturer, which I learned is my signature trait, rescuing animals all my life and then I stopped. I died somehwere a long the way, or felt like I did.  I blocked it all off, everything hurt too much.  Trying to remove that block now.  EA does coaching calls each month, you might get picked if you go to one who knows? And you can ask her all about what you've been dealing with and she'l tell you past lives, talk with your guides directly and stuff, what your mission is and everything.  ttyl, I just woke up.  Noon too.ha  Jeez I don't know I'm tired lately. 

@rainyangel I've cared too much for others in my life until it killed me inside. Or so I thought. I get what you say when you talk about the disconnection to love and falling into other people's pain. I've had similar experiences along the way. I can feel other people's emotions and I tend to avoid crowded places. Or I used to. The moment I understood that the only reason why I was "falling into other people's pain" was because I allowed it, it helped me stop that cycle.

You are a sovereign being, beautiful Angie. You are always connected to your guides. The "dark cloud" you feel between you and the good and between you and your guides exists only because you believe it is there. But it's not. I encourage you to visualize this "dark cloud" that you feel and look at it. Tell it "Thank you for being part of my journey, I have learned a lot of valuable lessons because you were there. But I don't need you anymore and I release you. You can go back to Source and rest now." Visualize it dissolving and being replaced by a white light. And every time your thoughts will try to bring that "dark cloud" again (because your thoughts are used to it), just stop for a moment and say "No. I released you, I've learned everything I needed from you and I don't need you anymore." And put your focus back to the white light. Ignore it and treat it like the illusion that it is. You are Source, Angie. You are a Master Creator and you get to decide what stays and what goes. Energy goes where your focus goes. If you stop focusing on the "dark cloud" it'll go away. Your thoughts create and they are powerful. You're the boss, girl! You got that power in you so don't be shy to use it for your own excitement and happiness. Give it a try, I know you'll see beautiful changes in your life.

It might seem hard in the beginning because our thoughts are so used to their old patterns and bringing new ones might generate some resistance. But persevere and show them who's the boss. In the same way, visualize your connection to your guides. Look at the white light and talk to them. Tell them about your day, tell them about what you're doing to make the "dark cloud" go away. Tell them you love them and that you know they love you. Tell them that you wish to feel their presence. And do that as many times as you want. If you feel down, tell them how you feel and then imagine how you would like to feel and create that feeling inside of you. And keep doing it until your old feelings get replaced by these new feelings. Release your old feelings the same way you released the "dark cloud". Thank them for the valuable lessons and tell them that you are moving forward. Release them to Source and focus on how you want to feel. That's how you can create your reality. The expression "It's all in the mind" used to piss me off because I thought that it couldn't be so easy. But it is. We only need to give it a try and persevere and believe it. BELIEVE IT.  You can do it. And, deep down, you KNOW that you can.

You are your own master, Angie. Take back your power and use it to clear the way and create the reality you wish to experience.
Peace be with you, beautiful soul.