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I'm just feeling really lost and discouraged. Not really sure where to even begin. I know I volunteered for this mission, and am having major regrets about it - my soul has been fractured while on this earthly mission. My higher self is of no help and shows no empathy towards what I'm feeling here and now. It laughs at me, shows me how trivial this life i am in is, and is a total prude when I ask specific questions. It's not that I hate myself, but it feels like my higher self really doesn't like who I am in this incarnation.
My exhaustion is UNREAL. I've always felt tired, like I struggle to stay awake, always desiring to sleep. Idk if it's my ADHD or what. I do take ADHD meds now and am very grateful for it. I just want to feel normal, but I never do. I've masked all my life to fit in with society, to do what is expected of me...it is so exhausting. Now I'm finding that my children - son especially - are having a hard time conforming to the mold, even at a Waldorf school! And I just hurt for them because I chose to bring them into this world, and now feel really selfish for my decision to do so because had I known what I do now about ADHD specifically, I'd have chosen not to pass it on.
Sometimes, and I hate to say this, but I wish I were still asleep because then I'd only have 1/4 of the amount of unanswered questions and level of angst I have now. I'm sorry this post is a total downer...most days are better than this.
How do you know that is your highest self, and not another aspect of self, or the critical voice we all have in our head at certain points?
How do you know that is your highest self, and not another aspect of self, or the critical voice we all have in our head at certain points?
This is 100% my thoughts too. Don't be so quick to assume that you were indeed connecting to / speaking with your higher self. Also, how are you making out lately, @beeejane ?
@lighthealer_arkie I haven't cried this hard in a really long time. I am going thru a resentment at self phase for signing up for this. Sometimes I think it's all in my head and just a way to make sense out of this seemingly pointless and painful life. But then I watched this video and a flood of emotion poured out of me. I have never heard anything that explained exactly what this life has been like and how much I still struggle with wanting it to be over. I'm struggling embracing being human. Even good days it still feels pointless. I asked for help and guidance today and found many other posts I fully resonate with and saw thus video you shared. Thank you.
@beeejane I know how you feel. I came in here tonight not even realizing there are forums to connect. I was going to post my own struggles and saw your post and another I fully resonate with. We just have to try our best to stay as present as possible and look around at everything we do have and find gratitude in the little things and also lean into the discomfort rather than focus on how painful it is. I have been practicing perspective shift and it gets a little easier each time but I still have my fair share of days I wish it was all over and hate myself for signing up for this. We are not alone. We need to stay connected to eachother. Feel free to reach out anytime if you need to talk. Seems that we can both use the support.